i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
