I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
