Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
