I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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