I hate your face
You're so nebulous sometimes
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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