Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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