i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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