i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
