This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
