it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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