yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
