I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
