hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
They are going to name an STD after you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
