pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
