She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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