If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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