I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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