Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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