That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Come see our sink grown plant.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
