I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
