Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
