she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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