You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
drinking out of a sandbucket again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
