Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
