you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
