I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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