The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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