:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this boner is exhausting
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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