I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
