she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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