I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
how drunk are you?
Several
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
