And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
