alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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