So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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