I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
