Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
