im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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