Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
