It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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