i would punch a child for taco bell
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
