tell your sister to shave her snatch
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
