Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
