I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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