I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
