Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
