I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
