Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
