yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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