The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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