No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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