Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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