My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
