well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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