Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize