Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
