Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
