Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
