I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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