I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
