i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He shit in the fireplace
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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