the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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