Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
