i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I just went to clothing optional bar
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
