she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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