It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Two words: blizzard sex
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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