If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We left the knife in your bed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
