toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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