she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
