The beer is more important than you right now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
