Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
