i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
