pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents