my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
