omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
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We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.