We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
