i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My breasts were aching with rage.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
