so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Too much gin, very little bucket
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
